i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
