The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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