Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
