Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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