Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
