Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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