He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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