just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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