At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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