I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
