YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, he came in my armpit
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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