If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
