there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
