At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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