We're facebook friends in real life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
