dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
