How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
