i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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