I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this beer tastes like vomit already
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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