So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
