you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
