"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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