He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
