Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
