soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
