I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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