He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
