so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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