I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
