Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
