Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
