I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
