when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
