Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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