Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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