Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
