i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
