What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
