He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
