You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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