the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
