I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
