hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
