he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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