Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
