how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
