You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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