So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
