I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My hand turned me down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
