What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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