i already hear my dad disowning me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
